When you care deeply about someone, it can feel difficult to talk about hard things without spiraling into blame, hurt, or silence. Couples therapy teaches us that the way we show up in conflict matters more than the actual conflict itself. At Kiru Psychotherapy Clinic, we believe change starts in the small moments, including the pauses you allow, the tone you use, and the curiosity you bring to difficult conversations.
In couples therapy, we teach that these three communication habits can help you transform your relationship for the better:
- Pause before reacting—Breathe and give yourself space to notice what’s happening inside you. Often, beneath anger is fear, shame, or longing. Avoid starting phrases with “you always” or “you never” to prevent raising your partner’s defenses. Instead, try phrases that begin with “I notice” or “I feel” to share your inner experience instead of accusing.
- Ask gentle questions—Questions like “Can you help me understand what you meant when you said that?” invite openness to a conversation. These gentle questions can remind you and your partner that the conversation is about connection, not about winning.
- Make repair attempts early and often—A simple “I’m sorry” or “I didn’t mean to shut down” can reset the tone for your conversations. In nearly every couple we work with in couples therapy, repair attempts are what tether people back together when moments of disconnection occur.
If you and your significant other get stuck and repeat the same fights or hold onto grudges, it may be time for couples therapy support. We are here to help you move beyond arguments and into deeper listening, so contact us today to learn more.